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THE COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO LIVING THE NIGERIAN LOW BUDGET LIFE


1. Wake up early so that you won’t meet crowded bus stops and expensive bus fares.

Conductor Uch Bebe

And go with change. No change on these streets.

2. When you’re shopping online, always start from low to high.

Low to high

Because high is for proud people and you are humble.

3. Relationship is not for you.

Rihanna1

Dates are great, but saving money is greater.

4. When your friends say”Let’s hang out,” and you know it will involve money.

Fat kid with cup
I’m an introvert please. I don’t like crowded places.

5. When you go to Owambes, always leave with your big bag of jollof rice for the week.

Leaving

*In Kendrick Lamar’s voice* We gonn’ warm all week. Say we gonn’ warm all week.

6. Remind yourself that “sugar causes jedi-jedi” everyday.

Nod

Water is the fuel of life.

7. Frank Donga is a hustler. He is open to any job that would earn him an extra dime. Frank Donga is not super smart, but be like Frank anyway.

Frank Donga Professiona

Hustle must to pay.

8. When people ask for money, tell them them to specify; borrow or dash?

black man
I need to know what to tell my peace of mind accountant please.

9. When someone says “Lets go and eat at…”.

Nene Leakes no

Unhealthy food? With cancer-causing chemicals? I’ll cook at home please.

10. When people ask you if you are hungry at the office, say you’re fine.

Sweating man

I’m watching my weight please.

11. But when they offer you food, be smart. Collect it.

eating plenty

Will you bring more tomorrow? Please?

12. Fitfam is good. Short distance bus stops should be trekked.

rihanna-walking-gifs-neogaf

13. Research thoroughly about a new gadget.

Donald-Glover-Thumbs-Up-Wave-On-Community
Then buy it two years later when it is cheap.

14. When someone tries to lecture you about their struggles.

Help me Im poor

Sit them down, show them that in this Game of “who suffer pass” Thrones, you are King.

indian man

Bow down.

15. When temptation is coming for you to check your account balance, do like this.

Omawumi walkout

What you don’t know can’t kill you.

16. Don’t buy from boutiques with A/C and bright fluorescents. Streets ti take over.

Yaba-Market

Yes. Yaba boys were right. It is where boutiques buy from.

17. Unless your father’s name is ‘Quality’, always go for quantity.

Saraki not bad

All na packaging.

18. You have no business turning on your generator before 7pm and leaving it on after 10pm.

Nene Leakes no

145/L? Hell no.


19. But most importantly, package. “It is the little packaging that will help you sell your gala.” – Olamide, 2012

Frank Donga suit

Because market must sell.

20. When people ask you your secret, just say “Na God”.

Pray

But don’t forget to remind them that you are down with anything that will fetch extra cash.

21. But still, don’t forget to spoil yourself once-once.

Caleon dance

Because you cannor come and die.